May Issue of FHM
Blondes v Brunettes: Myleene and Suzanne go head to head!

Smouldering Brunettes Issue : Heaven Sent! Thank god for Myleene and Gabrielle!

Just Good Friends : Our brunette big guns are Myleene Klass and Gabrielle Richens -proud practicioners of the lovely brunette hair and incredible rack combo!

As a species, we men are a simple lot. Conqueror of the atom and master of the known universe we may be, but when it comes down to it, certain truths hold sway across us all -well all love getting hog whimperingly drunk with our mates, we never grow up unless really forced to, and we all adore a brunette.
While the old adage may state that blondes have more fun, it's the brunette who regularly tops the world's polls of the most beautiful. The blonde may be built for speed and cheap thrills, but it's the brunette that makes us sit up and beg like the dogs that we are. And so it is that FHM is here today and, never a magazine to do things by halves, we have assembled two nut-popping-raven-haired beauties for your viewing pleasure.
In the chestnut brown corner we have Myleene, really the TV veteran, queen bee of Hear'say and top chick, and in the auburn corner we have TV presenter, breast model and Aussie raver Gabrielle Richens.
Both girls arrive within minutes of eachother and after a quick briefing from FHM, they're stripped and ready for action. Not surprisingly, Myleene seemed the most nervous at first. As Gabrielle noted, "I've been doing this kind of thing since I was fourteen, but this was all new to Myleene. But she got into it, and was brilliant! She's got a great figure and wonderful boobs." The mammary appreciation didn't stop there. "She said I had nice boobs?" asked Myleene. "Well, hers were great too!".
While FHM sadly didn't pick up on any significantly saffic signs, it didn't stop the girls bonding over our snapper's lens, with the "bosom factor" an on-going concern for all present. Much care and attention was paid to the ample samples on display by FHM's dedicated team of primpers and pamperers and the girls didn't let us down! Indeed when you get two girls with matching 32D chests to stand in such close proximity to one another, there was a more than -now here comes the science, so concentrate- "docking" going on. Imagine if you will, two hot air balloons coming together with gentle persistence, gracefully submitting to one another, before eventually releasing to a satisfied wobble. Gentlemen, it was magnificent, something the girls, we're pleased to announce, seemed to agree on...

Myleene Klass talks to FHM:

So, did you enjoy the shoot?
I really enjoyed it, she's a great girl and we got on really well. It was freezing cold though, so everything was standing to attention!

What thing did you admire most about her body?
She's got a nice, friendly smile, and great boobs.

Indeed she has. So let's set the record straight -was the signing of Hear'say's new member, Johnny Shentall, a fix?
No. If you call queuing up in the rain and going through the stress and the pain of an audition a fix, then you must be mad!

Your disagreements leading to Kym's departure are now infamous -did it ever come to blows?
Not at all, no-one was more surprised than me when she left. If there had been a huge punch-up at least that would have made sense, but there wasn't.

This is our blondes vs brunettes issue, how proud are you to be brunette?
Very proud, I've been blonde before, and they don't have any more fun! Anyone who thinks they do, should come out on a night with me and Gabrielle and then you'll se what fun is all about!

Have you ever had a guy pretend to be gay to get into your knickers?
Ha ha! Yes. You lot are so sneaky when you want to be! It didn't work though, I just thought the guy was a little deranged.

Blokes are a bit freaked out by the idea that girl's synchronise their periods, how bad was it for Noel and Danny when you, Kym and Suzanne came on?
They went through hell! They knew it was coming, so they just moved out for a week!

How do you rate yourself in the sack?
Ha ha! Let's just say, in this case, brunettes definitely have more fun!

FHM is collating a list of celebrity sex tips, so what information can you impart to us?
Well, the woman should always come first.

You've been broken into, stalked and had an ex-boyfriend steal your car -how crap exactly are your bodyguards?
Ha ha! I've also had a guy walk straight up to me at a signing and stick his tongue in my mouth! I tell you what, you've got a damn good point there.

We're going to look you straight in the eye when we ask you this next question -you said you were immensely proud of your breasts, is this still the case?
Absolutely, I love them. When I was growing up I was very flat-chested and used to pray that I'd get big boobs, and now I have.

Do you get guys staring at your boobs and not your face?
Oh yeah, but I don't entertain them for very long. How many breast questions do you have?!

Oh, quite a few, do boyfriends leap straight on them as soon as they get the chance?
Ha ha! Do you know what, it's been so long I don't remember!

Have they ever escaped at an inappropriate moment?
Once when I was in a West End show, I don't think anyone saw and most of the guys there were gay so they wouldn't have cared if they had!

You're a bit of a musical virtuoso, playing the harp, piano and violin, have you ever played any of them in the nude?
Ha ha! That's so weird! A very famous pop star whose name I won't be revealing asked me if I'd play the piano in the nude for him -the answer then, and still, is no.

Is it true your ideal kind of guy is a newsreader?
Oh yeah! I think it must be because they're in total control. That. And they have very good Windsor knots. You can tell a lot about a man by his tie.

So have you ever got aroused while watching the news?
Ha ha! No, not quite.

What kind of a drunk are you?
I'm a really happy drunk -I'm a spirit drinker, my dad got me into rum and I absolutely love it.

Finally, FHM is trying to ascertain who's the greatest celebrity swordsman, so could you tell FHM if you've ever been chatted up by these following guys -
Eddie Irvine?
Never heard of him, so no.
Puff Daddy?
I've never met him.
Mick Hucknall?
Ha ha! No comment!
So Hucknall has had a pop then, was he the guy who asked you to play the piano in the nude?
Ha ha! Good girls don't talk!